Posted by Regina Howell Non-HBCU: HBCU Supporter
on November 15, 2004 at 10:30:25:
Missing The Party...
I suppose it is true. My friends and I are different. We are doing something very different from the generations before us. We are educated, social, single twenty and thirty-somethings. And I don't think we really mind so much. Many women seem to fret about not being married yet until about 25-26 and then just let it go and enjoy being single. The same stigma associated with not being married does not apply to our generation as it did our parents and grandparents. Women don't have to be wives and mothers because we can be managers and company presidents. Besides work, we have a long string of other social activities to keep us occupied. We are involved in fraternities and sororities, service and professional networking organizations, book clubs, sports clubs, etc. And beyond that, we have formed tightly knit clusters of friends who are just like us; who reinforce who we are and where we are in life. This is my life... or at least it was until recently.
I suppose that at some point change is inevitable. You find yourself spending a few more hours at work trying to advance your status in the company - or at least prepare your resume for the next great opportunity. Those stubborn love handles won't go away, so you find yourself spending that extra hour in the gym so your boo won't have them to hold onto anymore. Wait - boo? What boo? Yeah, that's right. It snuck up on you - you wake up and realize that you have been waking up to the same face consistently for the past 3 months. It occurs to you that you can't quite recall the last time you spent quality time with your crew. And that feeling is met with a more than modest amount of anxiety. You begin to question yourself - did you somehow become 'that friend?' You know, the one who got caught up in life and left the party. You are missing all the social outings, the big tailgate events, the weekend trips to... wherever. Ugh. What is that feeling? That, my dear, is guilt! G.U.I.L.T.
Of course that feeling is inter-mingled with a nice dose of self-pity. But, is that really the life that we want forever? A life of fun and frivolity? I mean, what is so bad about fun and frivolity? I guess I would say that no, that is not the life I want forever. But, I do recognize the security of that life. The crew = comfort, security, validation, acceptance. Admittedly, there is a fear that one day they won't be there anymore. So, is the feeling that you are abandoning your friends really justified? Probably not. They understand... mostly. They will really get it when it happens to them; when they wake up to the same face consistently for 3 months and realize that the crew has become a lesser priority.
I am not sure if this is the transition phase that happens before things move in the direction of marriage and family. But, I am not too concerned about it either. If it is, that is great and I know that my friends will celebrate my new life. We will just figure out a new way to maintain our relationships. If it isn't, well, that is fine too. I know that my friends will still be there and welcome me back into the fold with open arms and a nice cold Sam Adams.